Board 8 RAP BATTLE V Round 1
The First Round 'of the 'Board 8 RAP BATTLE 5 Tournament. ''~Week 1~ Battle 1: warning_crazy vs. Chrono1219 ~The Score~ warning_crazy: 0 Chrono1219: 16 ~The Raps~ warning_crazy Gary Oak all the way, I’m here to antagonize In so many different ways you can’t conceptualize If you try to compete with me I’ll just penalize So hard that you’ll need to be institutionalized This match is like a gamefaqs contest Because I’m mother****ing Blue and I’m the best Like the character your time here is done Chrono Cause unlike you I got game, *****es and flow I guess I gotta destroy some fodder before the end You winning a rap battle I just can’t comprehend Your skill is just so much below every other loser Warning_Crazy was here, Chrono’s a loser Chrono1219 I might be a bit mental, but you're the one called crazy. Your flow was uneventful, your attempt just seemed lazy. It's a feat that does impress, your lack of skill does amaze me. Too late for you to confess, you're already pushing daisies. You rhythm has no heart, you rhyme with no soul. I'm ripping you apart, your words just run cold. Some pass me over as fodder, but if I might be so bold. Me out-witting a todler, baby you just better fold. I'm like the mafia of the rhyme, presenting a musical shake down. Your beat freezes in time, a complete cardiac breakdown. My lines are a license to crime, i don't F*** around. This match is as good as mine 'cause you're six feet underground. warning_crazy That was pretty dope, it was def aight But let me drop something twice as tight Before the crowd can even say wah? Bout to censor your ass like SOPA Best come back with something better Don’t revert back to being a bedwetter Useless, feckless, pressed, no votes You can’t seem to hit any of the right notes Don’t think you can come at me yet You aren’t even close to being a threat If I had to sum up my message to my haters Its real damn simple, Smell Ya Later Chrono1219 The fuse is burning, and the timers set. Got 12 lines turning you into a bloody mess. It started with a rope, the stringing of my words. and continued with dope and sweet sounds I unhurled. I'm performing this verse to ensure your demise Being tongue tied must hurt, but now do you realize? I would finish first at worst, and not even apply. The teachings of the rapper church, where I am idolized. Now brace yourself for a grand explosion. Your face needs help. Is that brain erosion? That clock is ticking down, and you're not named Jack Bauer. A shock is felt all around, for you there's no next hour. ---- Battle 2: Tombolo vs. Mer ~The Score~ Tom: 4 Mer: 20 ~The Raps~ Tom It's Tombolo's debut, and I've got a clean slate. Your right to marriage won't be all I violate. Don't get down on yourself, and don't playa hate When I kick your skinny ass all over Board Eight. That girl shakes her head because your rhymes are weak But I'm bringin' the flow, and I'm bringin' the freak. So just sit yourself down and don't even speak- Once I'm done you won't be able to sit down for a week. My lyrical attack will leave you no rest Because my rhymes will be the one to pass the test. Don't get bent outta shape, and don't get pressed- Just accept that you're always gonna be second best. Mer It must suck getting knocked out in round one, If there's a reason to try here, I haven't found one, how come we gotta rap when we know the outcome? how dumb you gotta be to not know you're outdone? This is Tom's sound, huh? Please. Basic. Odd how ''you're the one whose rhymes need a facelift, I hate this make-shift-wannabe-fake-****, I toss your wack ass to the side like ape ****. Face it, I'm that b****, do you listen? You break a sweat trying, while I merely glisten, I'm fixin' to take that crown, don't get it twisted. As for you? I guess that c*** gettin' fisted. Tom You rhyme s*** with s***? Well, at least it's fitting. Your s*** can't compete with the votes I'll be getting. You could stand to learn a lot from all these dope rhymes that I'm spitting. You never got started; Tombolo is never quitting I know you're hoping I won't read your poker face But I'm gonna call your bluff and put you into your place. You think that you're all that, but you're just a waste of space And now there's nothing you can do that's gonna stop your fall from grace. You don't seem to know you're beat, so I'll make my message blunt: I'm swinging for the fences and yet you can barely bunt. I'm throwing TD's like Tim Tebow while you play three downs and punt. I'll waste no more time on you; it's time for me to fist some ****. Mer If you're bringing the flow, call me Tampax your rap's the kinda weak **** that I'm hardly mad at Kickin' Tommy Boy right in his Farley-fat-ass, got this to a science, you're my little gnarly lab rat. Tell me: where'd you leave your Brain at, Pinky? I'm comin' to the top while you're falling like a slinky, Trying to be sneaky, jacking all my lingo, did you forget what just happened to Tebow? he ****in' blew it, much like you do your rhymes game over, sorry I ain't giving you more time. let me see into your future, like I knew your sign: your ass is staying pressed like the New York Times. ---- Battle 3: Anri vs. Justin ~The Score~ Anri: 20 Justin Crossing: 0 ~The Raps~ Anri Ok, I'm gonna take the high road here and spit about our Lord While I kick it into God mode, queer, get the f*** out my board My beliefs are beyond doubt, somehow I just know I'm right Your queefs smell like trout, but wow, that p**** sure is tight I'll try my best not to rip it, and save your poor, poor posterior But it's right there in Script, my Saviour makes me your superior Ok, so that wasn't very Holy of me, I'll admit that I'm a sinner B****, go make some ravioli for me, it's almost time for dinner After that we'll say our prayers. It's time to converse with Him Now, off your knees, go upstairs to bed and nurse my every whim Through me, His flow tears your ass up like a strap-on or paddles Call me Princess Tebow cause ALL I DO IS WIN RAP BATTLES Justin Well excuse me Princess, what do I look like? Someone who takes s*** from a whiny d***? I've a code of respect that you got to follow, so sit the hell down, you've got c*** to swallow Pretend you're a top, the lord's dominatrix, when all you do is get decimated by fat chicks You're not so holy, a true false pariah, so come at me bro, I'll slice you with stria A cheap whore, you're lured into my trap, to be brutalized, victimized, enough of your crap Bleed into the curb, inhale the asphalt. Nothing you can do to slow the brutal assault. Your body lies, barely recognizable, while I shout to the crowd that I'm the one responsible I'll establish a cult of charismatic personality, you'll have to face your sad reality Your reign of holy terror's clocked out, and there's nothin you can do but shout So settle down booster seat, accept the truth that you've been beat The fetal position's your new home save for when you're giving dome Best of luck in future endeavours, cause you're my ~prisoner~ here forever Anri Ok so I lied about the God stuff but what was all that flawed fluff? I applaud your bluff and I'm awed and stuff but you're a fraud, cream puff. Tell me, is this broad enough? And I've never read the Bible, it doesn't even have pictures I'm pretty sure it's all libel like that stuff about your dick, sir Counting the first line as four I think I'm at something like seven Use your next verse as an apology and you might go to Heaven Should I even keep going or have you already killed yourself? If not, don't even bother, just put your rhymes back on the shelf But enough about your faults, I could go on about them all day Please join me in this Waltz and we'll dance your pain away Justin So you finally admit you want to dance with the devil I'll warn you though, Princess, the footing's not level I'm a full step above, I'm the king you're the peasant I'm the head of the table, you're the main course, the pheasant The first cut's mine, I'll make sure you're done rare You better not go stone cold from my Basilisk stare I can see it already, I can taste your defeat I'm not even a rapper and didn't have to cheat I've countered your words with violent rebuttal The decimation was plain, no attempts to be subtle So please Princess Tebow, may I have the first dance It's too late to escape, you had your last chance ---- Battle 4: Ayvuir vs. ngirl ~The Score~ Ayvuir: 6 ngirl: 14 ~The Raps~ Ayv The name is Ayv, I rap then I rave My rhymes are unique, that everybody craves Ladies love it, aint that right ngirl? Get on the bed, gonna make your toes curl My rhymes will be enough to get you wet at the muff Whilst you're sucking my **** I'll bust out a lyric And there's no saving grace when I spit in your face With my supreme lines, you'll look like a disgrace. You better brace yourself cuz i'm taking you down Tears will fall and you'll look like a clown. I'm Obi Wan Kenobi to your Shola Ameobi, I'll beat you so hard you'll think your in Nairobi. ngirl You’re right that you rave, you’re raving f***ing mad! That s*** you just spit? Well… that was just sad. Making me wet, with your dumb-ass lines? Fantasize away, but in your own damned time! On the Toon wagon, but from London Town, You’re watching on Sky, I’ve got a seat at the ground! Even hatin’ on Shola, clearly no true fan, So haddaway lad, it's past time yee wer gan, (That’s Geordie you poser), in short it means to get lost, And a word to the wise, in case you dare to riposte, You may be Obi Wan Kenobi, but in only one way, You’re dead before the credits of your very first display. Ayv Mad with the rhymes and ahead of the time You try to keep up but you've a long way to climb. Sublime is what they call me in old London Town And my lyrics and lines are known from all around. Don't diss my commitment, I've been a fan since eight. They're great, I'm great, shame you don't reciprocate You're fate, however is like that of Bolton Down and out, like Timothy Dalton My Bond with Kenobi is that I have the high ground But you'll fall in to the flames without making a sound And so this ends my little story I win, you lose, I take all the glory. ngirl That was Mackem level s***, from the Stadium of s***e, B****, you know this heres a battle? Ain’t no need to be polite, And yeah, you’re great. Great at pissing in the street! Still livin’ with your momma, on a doorstep, ain’t it sweet? Rejected by everyone, that ever met you, Except the one p***y, you ever managed to get through. You’re running ten high, I’ve got a King and four Aces, See the thing with my style, what I bring melts faces. And while you had the high ground, I’ve now driven you back, You’re hanging on the Edge, after my endless attack. You’re dancing in the flames, and I pull on my shades, Because it’s me shouting “Yeahhhhhhh!” as this starter fades. Battle 5: jdizzy vs. Extha ~The Score~ Jdizzy: 8 Extha: 9 ~The Raps~ jdizzy Lets start all cylinders fire'n, yes im cummin quick dispose of this clown like sperm that i shot out my dick Its premature for you to battle me man. too soon ill detour cock back and leave your body wet. monsoon Doom!....you have no hope cause everybody here knows your a MotherF****** joke my rhythms are fantastic, yours are elastic stretch you out on the pavement no need for a casket Ill keep it blunt you gettin rolled by the Jay Interpret you like a mic check, F*** what you say Smoke you like the herb you are b**** N****. photosynthesis first round knockout and I just X'd tha nemesis Extha Forcefully replacing that dragon f***** so I can take out the #trashbags This raggedy b**** named jdizz sucks d*** with or without the hashtags. Yo dizz, you’re not a pro dancer, you’re a liar and a disgrace. I just saw you on Dancing With the Stars under your alias: Nancy Grace. A puffy lipped obnoxious b**** spewing vile bile with no style, Your words were more useless than the Anthony murder trial. This dizzy guy is gonna rue the day that I decided to battle ‘em. He’s jibber jabberin’ weak attacks while I’m batterin ‘em You shouldn’t oppose an ExTha, you’ll meet no MC as a bad as one. who’ll leak your blood like some Johansson photo data, son. You can’t catch me homie, so I implore you to end your pursuit. Just murdered you so I could brag about it, call me ExTha Van Der Sloot. jdizzy This t**** hoe don't even know his ends beginning Check twitter for #exthaslosing you'll notice that's its trending A milli hits a day and still don't compare to my punch lines lethal interjections to ya brain cause you to flatline EX out Tha n**** that thinks that he compares to me My NEMISIS? Please you lookin more like Claire to me Mutalate ya body redfields where I have you layin The lack of brains in ya lines make me think of zombie slayin My raps get the board hype call me R.E.6 Nothing you say excites. Flaccid dick I got that verbal Viagra lyrics have yo girl cummin if I'm nancy guess you emmett smith b**** start runnin Extha Nemesis is relentless, chasing you down to halt your invalid lines. My Resident Evil deeds got you under control, Miss Valentine. Now you’re mine! So end whatever thoughts you had of killing me. I’d arm myself to tentacle rape you, but you seem the type to take it willingly. Lyrically you’re unimpressive, leaving me with a mess of hollow disses. So I’m here to strip you bare and violate you like Licker kisses. So trust when I say a one on one with me aint what you want, j. Even That Dog can’t save you from me, I’m straight up El Gigante. I’m Burton-esque, even your girl knows that I’m a f***in’ stud. Before they find you they’ll say “I hope this is not dizzy’s blood.” There’s proof ya’ll, I’m the main event and he don’t even start to thrill. Jdizzy is a f***in’ no-name, gimme some real STARS to kill. Battle 6: Biolizard vs. XIIIiscool ~The Score~ Biolizard: 17 XIIIiscool: 16 (player hating penalty) ~The Raps~ Bio Call me Jack the Ripper, which I hope will underscore What Imma do to this crooked toothed, ugly, British whore. You came here for a battle, but you're leaving in pieces. I'll smite you with these lyrics till your basic babbling ceases. When I step on to the scene, you start to look a little flush. What's wrong, princess? Does someone have a crush? I know that this appearance is a hard one to resist But even if I swung that way, your s*** would be dismissed My swagger is unyielding, and my style is first class. There are more than thirteen ways that I can beat your limey ass. I'm going for glory, and you can't break my stride. Now make your contribution to this assisted suicide. XIII I don't need a fancy nickname, I'm just Thirteen And at last I'm here on the rap battle scene. I'm a man with goals involving Bellis and Curt You're a speedbump before I leave them in the dirt. After that display I've no reason to think different Are gay jokes all you have? That's kind of inefficient. You're barely a bump, man, I feel sorry for you Cuz when I go for the kill, I do it like La Roux Remember when you came to board 8 chat? Owned you so hard you ain't ever been back. We brits often say "may god save the queen" - hope he saves you, since I'm #winning like Sheen Bio The intermission's over, now back to reality. Any tiger blood you've got comes from your mother's beastiality. You talk a big game kid, but I'm the one playing with power. Do Ed and Curt need to help complete your fleshy Eiffel Tower? Your lyrics plain hollow, and don't forget who told ya. That trite that you just spit gave me triskaidekaphobia. I don't need validation from a newbie and his goons. And f*** your queen, too, I'm the God Emperor of Tunes. You're reaching for the stars, but your grasping at straws. You exit with a whimper, I get thunderous applause. The end is nearing, friend, and the whole board agrees. But if you hurry home, you might make afternoon tea. XIII I didn't just take tea, bro, I had some crumpets too An early celebration of my win over you Victory assured cuz you're forever alone Maybe if you didn't have the smarts of a gnome? Your record with women is surely pretty shameful Even a whore turned you down, that must've been painful. Now let's take a moment to quote a Pizza Doctor Krispies don't talk to your ass; no wonder you lost her. Don't even need Emeralds to deal with Bio One spindash and I'll send the yank to Ohio A last piece of advice for my first beaten victim Shave that fuzz off your face, and you might get your dick in. Battle 7: WalrusJump vs. swordsman 12 ~The Score~ WalrusJump: 4 swordsman 12: 9 ~The Raps~ Walrus Walrus here, bringing more venom than a black mamba, Murder in my rhymes and you dancin' the jive samba. You can't withstand me - I bring the family-style drama, Screaming "yes!" and making a mess in your mama's silk pajamas. What's that? Did that blow your mind? It's easy to see, But not nearly as hard as your mother blew me. I'm shootin' my lyrical load, I'm bout to explode, I'll f*** you up faster than a fat b**** eats some Rocky Road. You'll get left more shook than a crackhead Michael J. Fox, My flow makin' you popped like I'm pourin' Coke in Pop Rocks, I look like Biggie Smalls, you more like some Insane Clowns, So get the f*** back to Detroit, cause Board 8 is my town. swordsman It’s only round one so maybe you're just rusty, but this still ain't right like Penn State sans-Dusky. Enough with tired disses and talkin bout your semen, We know the only time that you get dome is when you’re dreamin. That **** was Ryan Leaf, but it doesn’t shake— it flops I’ll samba on your hearse and at the wake I’ll call the cops for indecent exposure when I read this as the eulogy The guests’ll know the cause of death was that can’t compete with me. If you’re King of the town then it’s clear you’re mad as Lear, Just give up and die or act the Fool and disappear. I’m in the 99% of lyricists above your zone Put my verses on a sign and watch me Occupy the throne. Walrus I'll only die if you murder me just 'cause you were jealous, You can't touch MC Hammer but you won't be able to smell this. Ryan Leaf? I'm Peyton Manning, you look more like Sexy Rexy, You throw pick sixes with your raps while b****es wait to undress me. I'm unstoppable - I'll run over you 'cause I'm the Juggernaut, Your mouth hanging open while everyone's like "oh no he did not!" You'll be left in my dust, with my lyrical bruise still in your side, screaming "Inconceivable!" just like the dude from Princess Bride. I rhyme out of my mind, but you in a mental institution, My 12 bars are poetry and you stuck pennin' noise pollution. Face it. It's over. You might as well just call for mercy I won't attack you no more but I'll please your mama when she's thirsty. swordsman Good try with the Peyton line, you almost made it topical It really don’t impress me when you’re laid up in the hospital. It ain’t because you’re sick, but I see you’re throwin balls up, The bill from the stomach pump’ll probably make ya bankrupt. Then you add the neck that I snapped as I flew past ya, I barely had to rap after you choked like I gassed ya. Your jokes are Celtics old when I’m bringing the Heat, Your wit is just too slow and people know that I’m elite. I stomp tracks like Top Gear, everyday I’m burnin rubber 'cause you know without a bag there’s no way I’d touch your mother. I say “it’s inconceivable” but I know what that means, It describes your chance of winning-- like the colts past week 16. Battle 8: Me Pie Three vs. Menji ~The Score~ Me Pie Three: 10 Menji: 0 ~The Raps~ Me Pie Three Special delivery from Northwest Connecticut Special Sauce busting in, what’s c*** etiquette? ****in rap up, you can have it in the next life Take my sloppy seconds n’ cum second. Cloud Strife. I slam and scram. You pickin’ up my pieces. I’m p**** poppin’, it’s a pity you can’t be this. You can’t see this. So I’ll paint you a picture. You asked a blind girl to the pictures and didn’t git her. It’s “eye”ght, she can imagine you in the mind’s eye And see the image of a man modeled after Me Pie Three verses left two be done It’s a pointless countdown cuz I’ve already one. Menji Unlike an essay with a 24-hour due date You can’t beat me when you procrastinate This verse can’t be for me, marked it return-to-sender Put my verse in a blender and you’d still surrender ‘Cause my words make sense no matter the order The universal language, not stopping at any border Your comprehensibility struggles outside your state Using homonyms “cleverly” won’t get you that blind date Your looks are nothing compared to my honeyed tongue Doesn’t hurt that I’m still young and favorably hung But if you persist on battling, insist on a tryst The night would end with your ass dismissed Me Pie Three Sorry bro, but I was ****ing not procrastinating Its a real bummer you haveta spend your nights ******bating You're droppin to the bottom cuz my flow's just fascinating. I hear you do weird things when going down. Masticating. Like a gen two pokemon you got no ability You show off vocabulary with no sensibility Too slow to get my flow: getting lost. Jack. Don't mess with me, I'm on the number one. Big mac. I'm delicious. Girls love skull ****ing my pimp pole. Since your skulls a thimble I'll make the last lines simple You like men. JI-JI-JI-JI-JI-UNIT Menji My lonely nights spent ‘bating - are to my lovely poetry Your nights f***ing end with “why did Joe Pa ignore me?” And I may be second generation but my heart’s made of gold You tried with twenty bars but the crowd’s still unsold See you wasted the last two lines when you needed them all Shouldn’t have listened to that magical eight-ball The only guarantee is my victory, a straight shutout Without a doubt, on my honor as a Boy Scout The loser’s bracket awaits you and your kind I’m sure you’ll have fun discussing what’s on your mind ‘Cause I won’t going down, not even for a minute The last thing you’ll be answering is losersayswut? See Also * Main Bracket Round 2 * Main Bracket Round 3 * One Loss Bracket Round 1 * Back to the Standings and Results page